Specimen Times: An Individual Essay. By Robert Massa

Specimen Times: An Individual Essay. By Robert Massa

Plus: ‘A Diary of managing AIDS’ and ‘Remembering Robert — Seven Writers Commemorate a Colleague and Friend’

Specimen times: Scenes Through the Epidemic 22, 1994 february

I DON’T UNDERSTAND where you should get as We leave the doctor’s workplace. The stores and individuals appear two-dimensional. Noises are muffled. We keep thinking: focus on that which you feel. But all personally i think could be the wind.

I recall the museum is nearby. The hefty woodwork, the leaded windows, the cavernous spaces remind me of elementary college. I go up the staircase that is central after the course where in fact the rock was worn out by footsteps.

I’m impressed as constantly by the dinosaur bones. They have been presented in action — about to fight, planning to feed.

A trip guide breaks my ideas. She informs set of schoolchildren to ignore the indications when you look at the cup cases; natural history is advancing therefore quickly, she describes that the curator can’t keep up, plus some for the info is away from date.

I’m disappointed to consider which our science will seem quaint http://camsloveaholics.com/shemale and some­day that I’ll can’t say for sure exactly exactly exactly what really occurred into the dinosaurs.


WE HEAD INTO a glassed-in sidewalk cafe near Du­pont Circle. We ensure it is indicate stay across from Daniel because i do want to flirt with no others noticing. We speak about the way the other countries in the world appears so small alert to what our company is going right on through and simply how much the neighborhood changed. We purchase omelettes; we shop around and recognize it’s lunchtime for the some other clients.

Daniel is traveling into the Midwest and states he’s impressed by just just how close knit homosexual individuals appear in tiny towns; he’d trade a number of the freedom we now have in ny for that feeling of community. We begin to have fun with the game, staring a little a long time, jerking our attention away. He apologizes for using Sweet ’n minimal, and I also confess i personally use too much sodium. We look over the cup and state Washington might be a place that is nice in the end.

However knock my fork on to the floor and bend down seriously to select it up, but I’m perhaps not watching and I also slam my forehead from the table that is next. It’s quiet around us all. I lookup to say, “I’m fine, ” but I see two drops of my blood, bright red against the white linen before I get the words out.

We DRIVE to your suburbs to go to my dad into the medical center. My hometown seems too manicured, like those model towns we utilized to construct for the train set. My father’s room is in a unique wing regarding the medical center, with fall ceilings, sheetrock walls, and a crucifix that is small every door.

My brother and mother exist. They are told by me Dad looks good and my mom smiles. We start to resent the eye he’s getting.

Later on, i will be alone with my dad as he wakes up. We’ve tiny talk. Abruptly, he asks if individuals still get AIDS from transfusions. I’m startled simply to hear him state the phrase. I do want to make sure he understands i realize just how afraid and alone he feels, but I’m perhaps perhaps not ready for him to learn about me. I simply tell him to maybe perhaps not worry — they screen bloodstream now. He does not look convinced, but sets their mind right right back and drifts off to rest. We touch their hand and notice how much our hands are alike.

A weeks that are few he’s back and we see him once again. He appears hunched and small over, however the quickness has returned in the eyes. He provides me personally a vital up to a deposit that is safe; their will plus some cost cost cost savings bonds are in. If such a thing occurs to him, it’s as much as us to look after the plans. I’m the one that is only will be relaxed sufficient to know very well what to complete.


We FOLLOW PETER out to your coastline. Kids through the village play down within the distance. Sunlight has already been strong. Peter sits at the edge that is water’s reduces his mind. I sit a couple of foot away, wondering things to state. It had been easier straight straight back within the town; right right here there is certainly time that is too much think. We look right straight back during the visitor notice and house once more exactly how shabby it is gotten.

We touch their neck. He does not desire to die alone. He does not desire to perish. He is told by me i realize, I’m going right on through it too. That does not soothe him. He begins once more, telling me personally exactly exactly how their buddy passed away. We turn away.

Further down the coastline, somebody has sculpted a full life­ size individual into the sand. The hands are crossed on the upper body just like a physical human body in a casket. The face area is calm. We begin to inform Peter We heard these sculptures are section of a vintage people faith nevertheless practiced from the island, but halfway through, We can’t keep in mind if that’s true or We imagined it.

Unexpectedly, we envy their hysteria. I simply tell him that the frightened child inside of him may be the component I favor many and if he got sick that I would be there. He calms down. We choose opt for a swim. The water’s too cool as well as the tide’s to arrive, but it is made by us past where in fact the waves are breaking and immerse under the sun and also the sodium in addition to movement. When we return to secure, the sand corpse is washed away.

Laisser un commentaire

Fermer le menu